Fear Revisited

Sometimes one works so hard toward something, only to have fear kick in and then it becomes unfinished. I’m sure many can certainly relate. Fear kicks my butt more times than I could ever tell you…just check out a previous blog on the four letter F word.

I’d like to think that I’m pretty fearless, just like a typical last born. Since we grow up getting beat on by our older siblings and many times having to fend for ourselves because our parents are too busy worrying about what kind of trouble our older siblings are getting into! But they don’t know the trouble I’VE gotten into! Kidding!

I never held true to this whole “birth order” thing, but after I read the Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Lehman, my mind was changed. One of the things he said about youngest borns (he being one himself) was that many think we’re just “fly by the seat of our pants” kind of people. In a way he’s right, but when we’re told we’ll never do or accomplish something, the attitude kicks in and we all say “I’ll show them!” And we usually do! Granted for me, my eclectic background has served me well, however, it wasn’t only until about 5 years ago that I really figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I know for a fact that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, but I often get so mad at myself for not finding all this out when I was younger! A wise, dear girlfriend has told me more than once, that I am EXACTLY where I’m supposed to be right now in my life. That everything I have done in my past has propelled me to this exact moment. And to think of all I’ve accomplished in the last five years has been beyond astounding, even for me! My husband has often told me that I’m living my dream and leaving everyone else behind. That may be true, but I hope I don’t ever make others feel that way.

With that said, where does my fear come from then? Determined to do the WSET Diploma, then passing all major units, including Unit 3, the big tough exam, passing that was anti-climatic for me, as I didn’t pass the Coursework assignment; aka the Essay. (Unit 1) Ugh. Yeah, I can write, given that I have this blog and all, but writing an essay? TOTALLY different story! And to be honest, I’m struggling with it and I’m afraid I’ll fail it again. Sometimes it grips me with such force, I cannot breathe. Time is on my side though. I’m in final edit stages and this thing has to be handed in on November 8. Can I do this? A resounding yes, and being a youngest born, I WILL do this!  But not without conquering some fear first…

Along with this, I have several cheerleaders, coaches in my corner, participants willing to read and critique (even though it can be hard to take constructive criticism) my essay, and so I forge on and do the best I can, hoping and praying for that passing mark come January, 2017!

In the meantime, I have this amazing glass of wine in front of me…a 2006 Tinto de Toro from Tardencuba Valnuevo (Spain). Complex with a powerful nose of chocolate, raisins, cloves, vanilla, earth, wet leaves…totally balanced on the palate with smooth tannins. I’m feeling fortunate that the rep who brought it to try today, offered to pour a glass for later. Tasting something like this lets me know that yes, I’m here doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Following my passion and living my dream.

I can do this…

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4 Responses to Fear Revisited

  1. Patricia Oksanen says:

    You’ve got this my friend,not a doubt in my mind !

  2. I think it’s normal to have a certain amount of fear when preparing for any test. There is always that element of the unknown. I think it helps to drive us to do the best job that is possible. And if you do happen to fail, which I don’t think will happen, but if it does, think of it as a learning experience and take a slightly different approach in preparing for next time. We’re all behind you!!!

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